


In which Scorpius Malfoy comes out to himself

by Ravenclaw_Scientist



Series: Maia's scorbus universe [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 23:32:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11046633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenclaw_Scientist/pseuds/Ravenclaw_Scientist
Summary: They say coming out to yourself is the most difficult.Prequal to the "In which... Scorbus is canon" series.





	In which Scorpius Malfoy comes out to himself

**Author's Note:**

> This is super personal but, yeah, it might help someone so here's Scorpius coming out to himself. Entirely inside his head.

Scorpius gazed around the room. The ceiling of the tent hung low around his bed, his trunk lay open opposite, a plethora of England Quidditch merchandise spilling out of it. He hadn’t been in much of a mood to tidy his things after he and his father had returned after dinner and had excused himself as quickly as possible without raising suspicions, saying that the food had made him tired. Slumping onto his bed and lying straight and still, he finally allowed himself to think openly.

 

_You’ve always known._

 

A voice completely foreign yet completely familiar whispered from inside his head.

 

But Rose. Yes, Rose. That was hope. He wasn’t one of them. He didn’t like-

 

No. He was a Malfoy. He couldn’t be. Those kinds of people and Malfoy’s couldn’t ever mix. Let alone in the same person.

 

_Think about Rose._

 

Scorpius pondered how he felt for a moment. He liked her. She made him want to be with him.

 

_You need to be honest with yourself._

He blinked fast, eyes burning and threatening tears.

 

He knew that he was lying to himself. He’d known for a while. He liked the idea of Rose.

 

A lot.

 

The thought of being with her made him happy. But when he thought of being with her it was handholding and tea and dinner in the Great Hall.

 

_You don’t even want to kiss her._

 

No.

 

Stop.

 

Do not think like that.

 

_You know what you need to think about._

 

Oh fantastic. A silent tear fell down his cheek and he huffed, the familiar constricting feeling of anxiety welling in his chest.

 

He did not want to kiss her.

 

If he was honest, the thought of doing any more than kissing her made him feel very uncomfortable. Perhaps he felt that way about doing anything more than kissing anyone.

 

_Stop lying to yourself, Scorpius._

 

He flung himself over onto his stomach and buried his face into his cushion. He wasn’t sure why he was crying so much.

 

He wasn’t sad.

 

_You like boys. Just admit it._

 

He sobbed. Big, hot tears flowing out of him and soaking the pillow, making it uncomfortable, so he flipped back around and took to rubbing his eyes quickly.

 

“I like boys.” He mumbled, as quietly as he could whilst still making a noise.

 

“I like boys.”

 

“I like boys.”

 

His tears didn’t subside, but his chest began to unravel and he could breath a little bit easier.

 

He wasn’t crying because he was sad, he realised.

 

He was crying because he was relieved.

 

Maybe, just maybe, some day far in the future, it could be ok. He could be ok. He could tell somebody, maybe tell lots of people.

 

Maybe he could kiss somebody.

 

Maybe it could feel comfortable.

 

The thought of it felt right. Of boys. Like its what he’s supposed to do. Even if it isn’t how it’s meant to be.

 

_How he’s meant to be._

 

Even if this meant that he wasn’t worthy of love. Even if it meant that his dad would hate him and that Albus-

 

-Merlin, _Albus_ -

 

Would think he was strange, would feel uncomfortable with him.

 

No.

 

Even despite all that. He couldn’t lie any longer. He had known for a while.

 

And he mostly felt relief.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Coming out is hard.


End file.
